Sometimes, I wish to believe that God exist. I want to put my faith that there is God in this world and if you do good, good things will return to you. If there are bad things happened, it is blessing in disguise. Or when something bad happen, it is test from the God to make me stronger. But seems like, I am getting tired about these theory of life. No offend on others God but all these are what I am experiencing. I couldn't find the proper reasons out of these. There are so many questions appeared in my mind. The more I think and compare, the more I feel, why I am put in a situation which is so Unfair to Me.
I am 32years old now. Been facing a lot of bad luck one after another for nothing and not due to my attitude or behavior. Isn't it a bit too much if there is really God, they tested me again and again for so many years while others are living peacefully and happily?
Recently in November, I had lost my Father. So what do God wanna tell me? Love my father so much? Or it is blessing in disguise. What kind ridiculous theory is this where a lot of people always said these to me about God? I lost my father, it is forever. My father is just 68 years old by the time he passed away. Those who are out there, harming others, doing bad things, they don't suffer. They live until so old and healthy. But for my father? Used to help others, do community service and also to catch those robbers and fight crimes. In the end, before he died, he was suffering on the bed for a week with lot of tubes and oxygen to keep him alive, when in the end, he can't. Are you telling to think positive that my father is suffering from sickness, that is why God got to release his sickness and ask him to "return to heaven"? If there is God , at the very first place, why let him to have the chronic disease?
Yesterday, my colleague did not notice that I am still in the office. I had an upset stomach and went to toilet after work. Due to my work busy and responsibilities attending customers, I hold my SHIT and waited til after work and went to toilet. It is so happened that yesterday a lot of people went home early. So, he locked the door and so happened yesterday, the office keys is not along with me. So, I got to wait until someone came to open the door. Nothing to blame as it was a misunderstanding. All my purse, identification card are inside the office.
So why happened to me? So co-incident I had upset stomach yesterday and so happened I did not bring my keys along. If there is God, at least if the God can let me not to have upset stomach, I will not be locked outside with office for almost 2 hours. Is GOD trying to ask me to think positive that it is a Blessing in Disguise as if I go out on time yesterday, I will met with an ACCIDENT AND DIED?
In addition, my father no longer at home to accompany her, so most of the time, she depends on the TV to fill up her time and loneliness. Then what the FUCK the TV screen spoilt on Sunday. In this, Is GOD trying to tell me that , well it si Blessing in Disguise so that my mother spends less in front of TV and not to spoilt her eyes?
Plus, the car got spoilt that day. And it is all of the sudden. Then almost 3000 got to be spent to repair. Hello there God. When my family or friends need help for me to fetch them, I am willing to fetch them. I helped them, but see how God (if so called there is) treated me? Then my neighbor, a normal car with big exhaust pipe, sounded like a sport car whenever he starts the engine. It is so noisy and early in the morning or even after 2am, he will start his car and just left it there for some time. It is so annoying when at night people are sleeping soundly. But, God never teaches the person the lesson to cause his car spoil. Unfortunately for me, purposely make my car spoil one after another. Again, is God telling me that if my car not spoil and not sent to workshop, I will met with accident?
Hello, this is not time for me to think positive as too many bad things happened in my life. Not just about the above, but lots more and if I were to write, it would be as thick as an Encyclopedia. I try all my best to think positive but I feel like Thinking Positive Is Nothing Different As Cheating Ourselves & Betraying Own Feelings. I had enough of these!! It is not test to make me stronger but is to make me suffer until one day it will turn into depression!
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